Intro

I am mentally disabled. I suffer from major depression, recurring, with psychotic features; social phobia; Asperger Syndrome; and Tourette Syndrome. I lost my last full-time job in 2005. It was a very easy job. I left my part-time job a couple years ago, because I became debilitated with anxiety thinking about having to go to it.

I don't really know what to say. I just thought that might serve as some kind of introduction. I mean to write here about what it is like to live with mental illness.

It can be a thin line that separates me from the sane. Like today, when I was completely disgusted with life and gritting my teeth against suicidal thoughts, until I told my partner something that was bothering me, and quickly felt lighter, relieved, and then human again. How could I not see something so close within reach? How could I not realize how easy it is to let myself be happy?

As that same example illustrates, it can feel like an ocean between myself and sanity. Every day can be a learning experience if you let it. I am very grateful for that opportunity right now.

Facing Demons

Moira is teaching an online class about clearing out arts and crafts clutter, and she came up with a clever idea about being honest with oneself. She drew her own Craft Demons, and invited her students to do the same. I drew some of my demons, too, although they weren't about clutter. They're about my struggle with motivation.